day with shannon and isa

what a lovely day.  pre and i went to visit our girlfriends.  i had an amazing lunch with my pal  while pre and isa had a whine-off.  after lunch we put our babes in papooses and went for a butt-kicking walk in the hills.

pre is 6 months old today

little pre is 6 months old today.  it's 5 minutes to 6pm right now.  six months ago at this time i was holding a baby who was only a few hours old.  he was a strange little creature to me and i barely knew how to care for him.  now he and i are a team.  he's my plus one.  the pre-entourage jeremy piven to my john cusack.  everywhere i go, he goes.  even to the bathroom sometimes.  right now as i type this he is snug against my chest, sleeping the warm, comforting sleep of an infant.  if it weren't for the moby wrap i'd never get anything done.

we went to the los feliz 3 to see "youth in revolt" today.  we met our friends claudy and quinn.  the boys hooted and made a ruckus together for a while then fell asleep almost simultaneously.  the movie was really sweet and funny.  so far my favorite mommy and me movie has been, "it's complicated."

after the movie, pre and i made our way through a tangle of cables and cameras in front of a baby store to get kathleen's little girl ellen a birthday gift.  i wonder what they were filming?  i hope i'll be able to see the shot in a movie or a commercial and then i can say, "that's the day i took pre to a movie when he was 6 months old."

i ran from the brownies

today pre and i went to a baby and mommy group in hollywood.  it was absolute craziness.  imagine if you will a large blanket in the center of a room with around 10 crawlers going crazy.  pre was having a great time, chewing on toys, scooting around and interacting with other babies and moms.  i was looking for a polite way out.

the topic was Separation Anxiety, i really wanted to hear about it because pre will be with a nanny starting in 5 weeks.  what do you do about separation anxiety?  you indulge the sufferer because they need to learn they can trust you and that when they are hurting in any way you are there to offer comfort.  i really love this teacher.  she is all about making it ok to be soft, loving mommies and daddies.

after the babypalooza madness on the blanket, our meeting leader went into the kitchen to put lunch out.  i was really hungry to the point of distraction.  i had brought my lunch because i didn't know the score.  i took one look at the food spread and made my exit.  here's why:  a big, delicious platter of brownies!  aahahahah! i made some dumb excuse about other plans, picked up my kid and ran for the door.

it stinks that i let hunger and temptation drive me away from a nice social opportunity but really, i wasn't having the best time.  if only losing weight could be easier.

monday monday

the one thing that stands out about today besides pre's very cute outfit is the nap we took this afternoon.  i was feeling a little tired at around 2 so i took pre into the bedroom and we both went down for around 2 hours.  i was dreaming and stuff.  yeah, it was that kind of deep sleep.

yesterday we visited friends in long beach.  pre swung in the bucket swing for the first time.  we ate struedel and drank a really smooth zinfandel.  i wish all sundays were that special.

the diet...well, for the past two days i've been at about 70%  it's so difficult to stay true to it when i visit other people and they have yummy food at their houses...tomorrow pre and i are going out at around lunch time.  i'm going to pack a sandwich and fruit so i don't fall too far from my goals.  i'm weighing myself every saturday so i have 5 more days to set things right.

family day

today we walked to moca.  i've never seen moca so chock full of tremendous art.  i noticed a lot of the artists were born in the 20s in long beach, california.  isn't that strange?  i would love to take a tour of long beach artists' homes.  i wonder if anyone magnificent ever lived on our old block near ocean ave.

diet update:  1.5 lbs gone!  it's a start.

blah

after a week of dieting and moving more i stepped on the scale this morning and realized that i haven't lost any weight.  oh well.  that's ok.  it feels really strict and diety right now because i've made some really big changes in my daily eating but really it's how we're supposed to eat.  it's how i'm supposed to eat for the rest of my life.  i really mean that.  this week i ate a pretty good variety of foods, kept my portions small and even enjoyed a few lemon bars and beers.  sounds like a good way to do it to me.  so i didn't lose any weight this week; i'm not looking at it as a failure because what's most important is that my mind is in the right place.  

pre and i went to target with jeanie for some sensitive skin stuff for pre.  he's got really dry skin so i'm trying a few things: double rinse cycle with now fabric softener, aquaphor ointment all over his dry skin, oatmeal baths, california baby super sensitive shampoo.  if none of this works then i'm going to have to do an elimination diet because it probably means he's reacting to something i'm eating.

baby boy cried inconsolably all the way home from target.  i was starving by the way, totally feeling bitchy and emotional due to the lack of fuel in my body.  things got better once we were home.  pre stopped crying when i got him out of his car seat and i got some dinner at nabeeya.

i hope tomorrow is a good day.

hanging out with sylvia and ruby today

today pre and i got out of the house and went to sylvia's.  i'm not gonna lie, the diet didn't fare well today and it's all sylvia's fault.  all i'm saying is there were lemon bars.  delicious!  so today was my cheat day. that's fine with me.

look at how cute ruby and pre are together.  i'm gonna miss time with my baby mamas when i go back to work.

just a perfect day

today pre and i went to the mommy and me matinee at the los feliz 3 and watched "it's complicated,"  the movie with alec baldwin and meryl streep.  i had the best time at the movie.  pre was such a gentleman.  he made two huge poos during the movie so i missed a little bit of it but oh man it was enjoyable.  there were a few newbies there today.  one lady was there with her 6-week-old and another lady had her 2-week-old.  i'm pretty sure i was still in pajamas all day at 2 weeks postpartum.  it was her second kid so she was pretty confident.

later in the afternoon i was doing a bit of tv-watching and ended up on the ellen show.  it was mindless crap.  richard simmons was showing off his new "sweatin' to the oldies" moves.  i realized i was missing out on my son because i was watching tv.  what's worse is that he was watching too!  ugh.  i turned off the tv and put some jobim on.

i got down on the floor with pre and played with him.  the sun was setting, desafinado was playing and i realized i was having the perfect moment with my baby.  i basked in it for a while then i took this picture.

diet update:  i'll admit it, i cut a little lose today but i didn't go crazy.  used some of my extra points.  didn't exercise today.  still motivated and optimistic.

day 5 going strong

today i walked a bit but not the normal across-downtown stroll.  i took pre to ralphs for a few things.  after that we went to the grove where i bought him some adorable pants.  nothing for me yet.  we went into jcrew and i got tempted to try a few things on but then i remembered what my body looks like right now and i decided not to.  i keep forgetting i'm no longer a size 2.  i like my body right now, it's just different from how i'm used to it.  my belly and but are big and soft.  i have large, squishy hips.  i think it's all part of being a new mom and that it is ok.  i just feel like i want to be ME again as well as a mom.

pre gets more personality every day.  it isn't like he one day stopped being a tiny crying or not crying infant.  it's more like a slow awakening.  i wonder who he'll be in a year?

last night i had worries about the diet.  i felt like my diet was compromising lactation.  my breasts normally get a little bigger and firmer in the night but last night they were sad, saggy boobs.  i felt like i might have to supplement his diet with stored breastmilk in the freezer but then i worried that my milk production would stay low and that his needs would increase.  i ate a little more today and he nursed a little longer than usual so we're back on track.

we walked all over town

today i wrapped pre up in the moby and we took a long walk.  we went to the geffen contemporary museum in little tokyo but didn't look at the exhibit.  did you know that the japanese american museum is free on thursdays from 5 to 8?  i'm goin' next week.  this week pre and i have a date with sylvia and ruby in glendale hills.

in some ways pre is still like a tiny baby.  he is tiny first of all, only around 13 pounds.  he falls asleep in the moby just like he used to.  the other day we ran into another mom and baby we had met a few months ago.  the baby is just a week older than pre but he was wearing big boy clothes; a cap, jeans, little timberlands.  he was sitting up in the stroller and looked really strong.  he's pretty big.  i looked over at pre in his stroller.  he looked sweet and puny sucking on his binky.  he still wears soft comfy baby clothes.  he's never worn shoes.  today he wore an outfit he first wore three months ago.  it's getting way too short for his long legs and arms but it still fits.

now about the diet...i'm still kicking ass!!!  yay! day four is going great.  i'm not hungry right now so that's a huge win.  i went to trader joe's on hyperion today and stocked up on easy-to-make dinner stuff.  man, what a huge cluster cuss that place is.  the parking lot sucks, you can barely get a cart down the aisle.  i didn't really shop as thoroughly as i would have liked to because it was just too crowded.  i might just drive to pasadena for the great tj's on foothill.

i'm so glad to be on this diet.  i haven't been this happy in a while.

so far so good

yesterday was kelly's annual collage party.  you're supposed to focus on your goals or things you want in the new year and find pictures or text that inspire you.  i had pre with me so i didn't spend a lot of time flipping through magazines.  i had a pretty good idea of my goals; lose this damn weight, find time to relax, don't spend money like a jackass.

even with my somewhat mobile baby, i was able to cobble together a picture of what i want in 2010.  lots of hammocks depicted in the collage (i didn't see that coming) with a smattering of positive words about living healthy.

did you know that nothing makes you hungry like a fitness magazine?  i was hungry to begin with and it didn't help that there were pages and pages of food porn in all the get fit magazines i was looking through.  on top of that there was actual food at the party.  plates of cheese, bowls of chips, a really, really tempting array of home-baked brownies and cookies.  i almost gave in to it all.  kelly, my angel made me a plate of meatless chicken nuggets.  just 3 points for 5 nuggets!  i was able to finish the day without crumbling.

this morning, feeling very confident about my efforts, i decided to get on the scale.  i wasn't crushed by the number.  i know that it is the heaviest i will be in 2010.  

january first

ok so i know this is pretty cliche but on this first day of january, 2010, i have started a diet.  i had a dream last night that i was taking the baby weight off and i woke up feeling really hopeful.  this morning i was set on it, i decided to start weight watchers again and take off the pounds that are bringing me down.

according to ww online i am allotted 28 points each day.  when i originally took off my excess weight around 4 years ago i only got 20 points per day.  the extra 8 are for nursing moms.  i thought the extra points would feel like a nice surplus but really i'm starving just like old times.  tonight i was watching kathy griffin, "balls of steal."  she looked super skinny.  i didn't catch the whole thing but she was talking about celebrity diets, something about coke and redbull.  she said she's hungry and bitchy all the time.  it seems like this is the only way to do it.  hungry and bitchy.

i'm hungry right now.  i just had two white cheddar rice cakes and it didn't fill the hole.  hungry hungry hungry.  is it better than feeling like a fat failure?  yes.

exercise will come later, after the gnawing hunger dies down in a few days.  although yesterday and today i did about an hour of walking.  soon i'll feel ready to go to the gym and bust it on the treadmill.  right now i feel like too much of a big dumpy frump to go to the gym.  i know how backwards that logic about staying away from the gym when you really need it is but anyone who has been in my place understands that you have to feel worth it before going to the scary gym.

i used to love the gym.  it was part of my daily life.  there was a time when i went to the gym 5 times a week.  bootcamp, spin class, i did it all.  nothing scared me.  i was so fit.  i felt at home at gold's.  i know i'll be at home there again soon but not now.

i must be incredibly optimistic to post my intentions.  i'm not a failure.  when i decide to do something i do it.  i know this about myself.  when i'm ready to take something on i keep going until i've succeeded.  fitting into my old clothes is a huge HUGE thing to undertake.  i wasn't ready to make the commitment until now.  i'm back.