day 7

here's how strong my resolve is: today at euro pane in pasadena, i passed up a chocolate muffin with a raspberry compote core, an array of some of the best macarons available in los angeles,  a pear tart and two cookies as big as my face.  it wasn't all deprivation and diet-y sadness though.  my lunch was a pretty large baguette sandwich of fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil and pesto.  it was a decent sandwich but i'm not going to lie, it was no "my vegan trip through india." still, i didn't feel i was depriving myself, and i really did enjoy the sandwich.

 the pastries mentioned above were not just things i looked at longingly in the case, no, these were in fact purchased by two of my dining partners and placed on the communal table to grab without judgement.
the old me would've gone for half the chocolate muffin, a macaron, one whole cookie and a few nibbles of pear tart.  i would've sampled everything and after i would've told myself that it was a special day and that this doesn't happen all the time yadda yadda yadda.  so many justifications and food lies would have been playing themselves out in my head.  the pleasure would soon be forgotten but the mental flogging would've endured.  i feel so free of all that food neurosis.  it's enormously pleasant to be happy with my self control at the end of the day.

tomorrow is my first day of week 2.  i'm so proud of myself for not just sticking to a plan but for my attitude.  i feel like maybe i have to go through this time of limiting my choices in order to gain perspective on what i eat and how much i actually need versus how much i feel i need.

i'm getting on the scale tomorrow and i'll also try on a pair of pants that were snug on me on day one.  i wonder if i should begin graphing my losses over the next few weeks.

what is that soapy taste in my mouth?

since around lunchtime i've had a curious soapy taste in my mouth.  perhaps i somehow ingested soap...but that doesn't seem probable.  lunch was a tofurkey sandwich on wheat, not at all a soapy sort of meal.  i don't get it.  could it be some sort of side effect from the protein bars and shakes?  am i suffering from vitamin overload?  if anyone else has ever had this strange bitter, soapy thing going on in their mouth, please tell me.

besides the soap, day six is closing without incident.  in the morning after dropping baby off at school, i went for a walk with jeanie and yoko around elysian park.  not any sort of hard core cardio but exercise all the same.  i used the new "walking foot" on my sewing machine while stitching quilt layers together.  it's sole purpose is to keep layers from bunching up and it does so wonderfully.  quilts will go up on my etsy shop on monday.

now it's time to watch top chef allstars.  if it makes me too hungry i'm going to bed.

cinco de k-o

here it is the fifth day of my silly cereal diet and i'm really enjoying it.  i will add that no cereal was consumed today.  breakfast was the protein shake, dinner was a truly delightful, if not small, almond honey protein bar.  lunch was spectacular.  i pushed pre in his stroller up the hill on grand and 3rd with the intent of going to lemonade for a nice variety of creative salads.  let me warn you, if it's a tuesday or a wednesday and you want lemonade, you'll have to go to abbot kinney because the one at moca will be closed.  "curses!" i exclaimed with a raised, clenched fist, then i headed toward mendocino farms.

at mf, i was prepared to order the one thing i've tried and quite liked, the citrus tuna sandwich.  i decided at the last minute to try something from the part of the menu labeled, "spring 2011."  i ordered a vegan sandwich called, "my vegan trip through india."  you get a choice of ciabatta i think or honey wheat tortilla.  i chose the tortilla.  wow, it was as many top chef judge would say, "a revelation."  so delicious.  the wrap isn't offered up the way many wraps are; cold and tightly swaddled in paper, no this gorgeous sandwich is carefully rolled in a less suffocating way and then set on the grill to get a little texture.  it felt like comfort food although i can't say i've ever tasted anything like it.  as far as the components on the inside, there was a chickpea spinach fluff? smear?  spread?  i don't know, but i tasted goat cheese i think and some other really fabulous things.  i enjoyed it so much it made me wonder if i'm suddenly appreciating food more because i'm eating less of it.

so far, i'm finding this a pleasant way to eat.  lunch, i've come to realize is a more important meal to me than breakfast or dinner.  i think bookending that important meal with two nutrient dense small ones is the way to go.  maybe instead of switching back and forth from this to weight watchers, i could instead slowly morph the plan into something more reasonable with something other than a protein shake and protein bar for breakfast and dinner.  something different but still on the small, nutritious side.

i'm going to get on the scale this friday to see the quantitative results to this new eating style.  already my mental state is so much better than it was a week ago.  i feel in control and on the right path.

4th day of K

what i think is funny about my starting a crash diet is that i just read a book with a strong message regarding the uselessness of crash diets.  why do i get the wrong message from cautionary tales?  it's like when i watched Super Size Me and it made me really hungry for McDonalds.  most people were probably totally disgusted and turned off by the thought of all that processed deliciousness after being beaten over the head with the nutritional facts.  i was grossed out to a point but c'mon; the pillow puff bun, the meltedy american cheeze, the crispy fish in the fish filet, yum!

my current favorite book, Born Round by Frank Bruni, has made me decide not be fat anymore.  what an amazing piece of nonfiction.  yes, he did a lot of ridiculous diets along the lines of the special k diet, and yes he gained it all back over and over but hear me out: it's going to be different for me.  Bruni finds ultimate success in a brilliant combination of exercise, small portions and variety.  i know!  it's so rational it's almost crazy.  i get it that you have to do something incredibly close to that to achieve a good relationship with food and self-image.  but here's the thing.  it's going to take all freakin' year for me to lose 15 pounds with that utopian approach to food and exercise.  time is of the essence.  my kid is almost 2 years old and i still have baby weight.  i really need to lose this extra mass before his birthday.  my plan is to let the special k diet do the heavy lifting and then i'll coast into victory with the more responsible weight watchers diet.  once i'm at my weight goal i'll go on "maintenance" with weight watchers, which is like Bruni's thing only with points.

the k went well today.  another milk chocolate protein shake for breakfast, then california rolls for lunch.  dinner was the cereal and an orange.  snacking happened between breakfast and lunch but it was a lovely little apple.  am i hungry?  right now yes, but i've been fine during the day, i think this would be hell if my one meal was dinner like the plan suggests.

special k diet

i think it was just this friday, i was talking to my sister on the phone, bemoaning the .5lb i gained during a week of rational eating.  i told her i was just too lazy to freak out about it.  she understood but said, "why don't you try the special k diet.?"

i looked it up, supposedly you can drop a dress size in two weeks.  and it's so freakin' easy.  all you do is replace two meals with either special k cereal, a protein bar or protein shake.

i don't even remember what i'd eaten for breakfast that friday but instead of waiting for the next day, i started the special k diet, or "k" as it shall now be referred to going forward, that day.

today is day three and it's going surprisingly well.  this morning i had a milk chocolate protein shake for breakfast. this went in the blender with half a banana and some ice just to give it some weight.  an hour or so later i had a big cup of coffee.  lunch was tofu scramble, fruit, vegan pancakes and some sort of vegan cracker thing.  dinner was a bowl of cereal.

in addition to the saint-like eating, i've been riding my bike and on friday i went to the gym and spent 30 minutes almost dying on an elliptical machine.  i owe my body so much cardio.  the flab is just ludicrous.