day after christmas

yesterday was pre's first christmas.  we got up at 8:30 and opened a few presents.  pre was a little overwhelmed so we waited on his gifts until later in the day and a few didn't get opened until today.  what i remember about yesterday? cooking a feast while wearing pre bear in the moby wrap.  i had a lot of fun cooking, i know it sounds martyr-ish and stressful but i like doing stuff while holding pre in the moby.  he ended up taking a few naps while i bustled around the kitchen making a pretty awesome dinner.

tonight the three of us went to hama sushi in little tokyo.  we went on christmas eve and had such a good time we decided to do it again.  pre was a little gentleman again and didn't cause a scene at the bar.  the green muscles, yellow tail hand roll and mackerel were amazing.

once we were out the door of the restaurant and on the street yen noticed his hands and shirt were wet.  pre had an explosive poo and was covered in french's mustard yellow poo.  it was all over him.  i had to change him on a bench in the middle of little tokyo.  poor little guy was shivering and naked in front of people.  we were going to walk around and window shop but we went home right away to wash clothes and give pre a bath.  hopefully that will be the last poop explosion in 2009.

hello!!!!

hi there,

my five-month-old baby boy is sleeping right now so i have a few minutes to post. it's been such a long time.

well, the rest of the pregnancy went great. i ended up having contractions for two nights in a row before actually going into labor. on those evenings where things were getting painful i kept careful track of the contractions with the stopwatch feature on my iphone. on both nights i fell asleep around 5am and when i woke up at around 8:30am the contractions would be over and i wouldn't feel a thing again all day. so on the evening that i was actually in labor i was pretty sure it was another false alarm. again, i kept track with the stopwatch and input the data in my notes app. i got out of bed and moaned a bit on the couch, reading The Call of the Wild and doing a crossword on my iphone.

i didn't wake yen because i figured it would all be over in the morning. finally at 5am i stood up and held on to the wall while exclaiming, "help me!" it didn't wake him up...i had to go over to him and jostle him a bit and tell him that i needed his help because i was in pain. i think i said, "please get up with me, i'm in pain." he got up without a fuss and looked at my contraction times on the notes app. he said, "babe i think we should go to the hospital." i said, "no, it's just like every other night, these will be gone in the morning. i don't want to go to the hospital and then get sent home." for some reason this would have been the ultimate humiliation for me.

yen ignored my requests to keep the hospital out of it and called dr. dwight. he sounded so cute on the phone describing my condition and the frequency of the contractions. when he hung up he said, "i told dr. dwight that you're having minute-long contractions every five minutes and he said, 'well, she should come to the hospital and have a baby then.'" "ok, but give me another hour or so to see if they continue." i said. he went to get the car.

once he was gone i remember thinking how lame it was going to be when they checked to see if i was dilated or whatever and then sent me back home. i was resolved to stay home when i realized i was moaning and holding onto the bassinet for support. i remember thinking, "this isn't normal."

off i went in my enormous maternity pajamas and robe. i'm so happy that we didn't run into anyone in the lobby. on the way there i'd be talking and then OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH i'd have to stop.

once at the hospital i could barely walk. i took several breaks from the car to the check in desk. i remember taking a break at the elevator and looking out the window at the dusky summer morning thinking, "this is the day my baby will be born."

when dr. dwight came in to check my lady business out, i asked him, "do i stay? or is it a false alarm?" he said i was 7 cm and that i was going to be staying. wow!!! i was so proud even in that moment of breathless pressure. i did the early labor and some of the active at home. now i needed to focus up on the dreaded transition and pushing.

for the next five hours i laid on my left side clutching the guard rail of the hospital bed. you know the pictures describing how to use the controls? i stared at that whenever my eyes were open. somehow this kept my mind even and relaxed. i stayed in this focused meditative state up until the time came to push. i'd get out of bed to pee every once in a while and i'd ask yen for ice chips and carmex but that was the most interaction i had with him. all that stuff we learned in birthing class about positive words and back rubs? i wanted none of it. i couldn't even look at yen's face when i talked to him, i think my primal lady knew how to keep the focus and interacting with others would somehow break the spell.

i was so afraid to push. i thought i'd do it wrong or badly and i didn't want to face the music of the whole parenting thing just yet. the nurse checked me and said that whenever i felt pressure i could push. all of a sudden the contractions stopped. my fear literally stopped my labor. i took a few breaths and even apologized. a few minutes later i decided to push. the labor returned and yen told me i was doing a good job.

i have to stop here and say that up until actually being in labor i'd romanticized the whole pushing scene in my head. weeks earlier i made a play list of songs to be played while i grunted and pushed. just now i took a peek at said playlist. first track? 99 problems by jay z and dj dangermouse off the grey album followed by songs my MIA and kanye. i used to listen to this mix at work before maternity leave. i'd imagine the pushing scene of my baby movie and tears would well up in my eyes. i imagined getting down to Boyz by MIA and pushing him out at Bamboo Banga. Celebration by Kanye would play once i was holding him:

Yep, we was praticing

Til one day your ass bust through the packaging
You know what though? You my favorite accident
So go head pop some Cristal

For my newborn child

sometimes i imagined my mom, kelly, my sister and my sister in law in the room with me cheering me on and breaking down in tears at the sight of my newborn baby.

what actually occurred was completely different. the room was quiet. dr. dwight sat at the foot of my bed and if he spoke a word i don't remember it. yen held my hand and i silently pushed with all my might. at first i remember thinking, "dang, i'm going to pee and poo if i keep pushing like this." then i realized that i'd be there all day "sort of" pushing if i was afraid of these things. i decided to try to make the biggest pee and poo of my life and push with everything i had. my next push was epic. my silence was broken with a sound i've never heard myself make before, my hand broke free of yen's grip and my arms stretched out. my body stretched and got long instead of hunkered like it had been. the next push after that freed my tiny son.

dr. dwight placed little pre on my chest. he was all spindly legs and arms. i put my hand on his tiny back and said, "hi little one, i'm your mommy." he peed on me and made the most adorable, velvety baby cry you've ever heard. i looked at yen and he told me how proud he was of me. i knew all along i could get through labor without any drugs so i wasn't patting myself on the back but it felt really good for yen to be so proud of me.

once dr. dwight was done with his part in the game he told me i did a great job and gave me a kiss on the cheek. after holding pre for a few minutes and getting his temperature up i let the nurse weigh and swaddle him. 5 pounds, 15 ounces, 17 inches long. just a little slip of a fellow. once he was all swaddled up yen held him for the first time. by this time kelly, lisa and jeanie were in the room with us. one of them fetched the leica for me and i took a few shots of yen and his newborn son.

kelly came to my side and kissed me. she held my hand and the moment was even better than i imagined it would be. she told me she hadn't been able to sleep that night and that she had woken up from an incredibly vivid dream where someone shouted, "help me!" at around 5 in the morning. i told her that was me. it's so strange how connected we are.

yen and the girls stayed by my side all day helping me out. yen changed pre several times that day before i did. that night yen slept on a horrible little cot next to my hospital bed. pre lie in his clear plastic bassinet. we slept in 3o minute intervals if that. whenever the baby stirred one of us was up on alert. at around 2am i sat in bed nursing the baby when dr. dwight came in. he told me i should be really proud of the job i did that day. what a moment that was. i was finally holding my prize and the pregnancy was over.

34 weeks and 4 days

when will the time come that i will hate being pregnant?  every lady with kids tells me this will happen but i'm still loving the whole thing.  i am constantly rubbing my belly and sending the baby love.   i don't think my skin has ever been so moisturized.  every time he moves i am astounded by the fact that i have a little person inside me growing and getting stronger.  

i can't wait to be done with work (5 and a half more weeks) but i'm a little sad that my pregnancy is almost over.  i'm really going to miss it.  i'm just not ready for it to be over, i'm so glad i have another 6 weeks to savor the magic of it all.

nesting continues

yen building the crib

i can't wait to finally have baby cove totally finished.  that is when i'm going to post the before and after pics.  until then, look at yen putting the crib together.  he did a beautiful job of the crib and almost immediately after finishing it, he put the dresser together.  

catching up

gold's gym baby shower

so this is the baby shower i mentioned over a month ago.  it was great.  see my friend margie in the green standing next to me?  she has run 5 marathons and told the best birth story i've ever heard.  when she went into labor, the hospital sent her home thinking that it was false labor.  she proceeded to go through active labor at home all night and later in the bathroom she pushed her baby out while holding on to the towel rack.  her husband caught the baby and cleared his passage way, made sure he was breathing and called an ambulance.  there.  wasn't that a good story?  it just shows how tough margie is.  look, i think you can see her abs through her shirt.

this weekend

this weekend is going to be awesome. tonight y and i are going out with our friends to bottega louie. i know i can't drink but it's nice to be with people who are melting the crappy week away with a glass of red. i can totally empathize and it calms me down too. bl has my favorite non-alcoholic beverage: san pellegrino aranciata. it will be three couples including y and i which is a nice group. we haven't all gotten together for dinner in a while. i hope the service is good tonight, we've been raving about it for a week to our friends.

on saturday my girlfriends at the gym are throwing me a shower. my FIRST EVER BABY SHOWER. the next rite of passage after getting married. i'm so excited to just hang out with everyone. i am so touched that they have all gone to the trouble to celebrate my pregnancy. the plan is to take tons of photos so i can post something interesting on monday.

i'm becoming friends with a new girl at the gym, kim. she is taking the scary bootcamp class i took last year. i asked her what she is doing this weekend and she told me her friends are throwing her a bridal shower and bachellorette party!! both of us are having these amazing celebrations honoring huge changes in our lives.

saturday night i'm going to kelly's for a sleepover. not like a huge slumber party where i'd bring my star wars sleeping bag. just kelly, her roomie and i. we haven't spent much time together so this will be a nice catch up. on sunday we're going to monrovia to visit our friend laura. whew!

it's so nice to not have to paint or clean or take junk to st. vincent's. btw, i'll post pics of baby cove soon. i've been procrastinating because i want to do a whole "before and after" thing and that's a lot of picture posting for after work when i'm busy being lazy on the sofa.

26 weeks, 3 days

every time yen takes my picture i think, "jeez, i look huge!" but then i look back on that same photo several weeks later and i realize i'm pretty small.  will this giant belly look relatively tame to me in three more weeks?  i can't imagine.  still no stretch marks.  fingers crossed!!!

welcome to the world little Mia

my pregnancy buddy, erin had her little girl mia on wednesday morning at 10am or so.  mia is absolutely gorgeous, this iphone photo doesn't do her any justice.  she has adorable little pink lips and a lovely head of hair.  she was quite a lot to push out at 7lbs, 14oz but erin is a tough cookie and she kept at it for around an hour and a half.  

erin had planned to be induced on tuesday night at 8pm.  she went to the hospital and was already having some contractions before the doctor even touched her.  a little while later her water broke.  so, lucky for her no inducing.  i'm still learning about labor and delivery but i've heard being induced is not fun.  my mom said you go from nothing to hard labor really quickly.  it doesn't sound good.

i was able to try one of the calming methods my friends mike and tanya told me about.  they said that babies like to be kind of moved around rhythmically in conjunction with the sound, "shh shhh shhh shhh."  it's not that you're rudely shushing the baby,  it's more like you're trying to replicate some of the womb sounds the baby has been hearing.  when erin handed me her daughter, she started fussing right away.  the moving and shh shh shh worked like a charm.  

a few months ago my mom told me that holding a newborn for a sustained amount of time is hard work on your arms.  i have to admit i was skeptical of this.  i used to work out and i'm used to being strong in the arm region.  ok no.  after holding mia for around 15 minutes my biceps felt wrecked.  i called yen right away from the hospital parking lot and told him that we need to start doing bicep curls at night.  i'm going to get up a little early tomorrow morning so i can add arms to my workout.  

erin's longshoreman husband steve won't have any trouble carrying this little bundle around but i predict erin will have some pretty sore arms for the next few weeks until she builds popeye-like muscles.  congratulations erin and steve!!  you made one beautiful little girl.

my awesome husband

last night, or this morning rather, at 2am i heard yen shuffling around in the kitchen putting something in the toaster oven. he does this sometimes, wakes up and realizes he's starving. i didn't think anything of it and tried to go back to sleep.

this afternoon he told me he woke up at 2am worried about my pushing a baby out. he was thinking, "man, she's going to need some pain medication for that." i'm so touched by his empathy. he's exactly what i need him to be right now. it helps when someone shares the worry with you, it takes some of it away.

this guy has two copies of a book entitled The Expectant Father. i've looked through it to see what it's telling new dads-to-be. it's a sort of month to month explanation of mood swings and body changes. it also addresses some of the common concerns that weigh heavy on new dads. y hasn't cracked the book once. and that's ok! i don't need him to be obsessed with all the ongoing changes to my body. i keep him abreast of that already (hey oh.) i need him to tell me i look pretty, take pictures of my growing bump, and share in the scariness that is to be my labor.

due date coincidence

today i noticed that my cream cheese has the same exact expiration date as my pregnancy due date.  i guess that means this baby is coming soon.  cream cheese doesn't last forever.  i wouldn't be posting this if i found the exact due date on a can of soup or something.  soup lasts for years.  i think.  anyhow, this find made me so happy this morning.  

besides the refrigerator treasure, i had an appointment with dr. dwight this morning.  i really like him and i'm so glad he's my dr.  first of all, he remembered our baby's name--EVEN the middle name.   he also made me feel like the best looking pregnant lady out there.  i was concerned about my weight gain and he said, "you're such a girl."  he said the other moms will hate me at our childbirth classes because i have a nice round baby belly and the rest of me looks normal.  ahhhhh.  so sweet!  

i asked the dr. about sleeping on my back and if that really was forbidden right now.  he said sleeping on my back is just fine.  tonight is going to be awesome.  i'm going to sleep so well with out worrying that i'm cutting off little one's blood supply.  

i love my little baby already.  i try to picture his pose in my belly.  every time he moves i feel magic.

suddenly i'm the princess and the pea

it's official, i've turned that corner where i'm now the pregnant woman who can't get comfortable at night.  i thought i was there a few weeks ago, but no.  my sides are really sore from laying on them all the time.  i would love to lay on my back but apparently that is verboten.  

a couple of nights ago i was so sore and frustrated i ended up going to the much softer couch.  our bed is a good bed but i just needed a little extra fluff.  still, i ended up doing a crossword puzzle on my iphone before drifting off at 4am even with the comfy sofa.

it would be so sad if i were to leave the marital bed until the baby is born so last night i layered my side of the bed with lots of big fluffy comforters.  ahhhh....relief!   for a little while.  at first the downy pillow puff of my side of the bed was like a giant cloud.  then after a half-hour i started feeling the old pain in my side.   

part of the problem has to be my keyed-up brain.  i miss wine.  i'm going to stop complaining about this and start taking a bath or something before attempting to go to bed.  there's no way my pillow puff bed could be that uncomfortable.  i'll say it.  i'm a little crazy right now.  

23 weeks

yen took this picture on saturday, i was 23 weeks and 2 days.  i feel so much bigger than this picture shows.  i'm just not used to all this extra weight (16.5 lbs) all in front.  i'm walking differently and constantly surprised by my new shape when i pass a mirror.

the gym

i'm starting to experience that shitty time in pregnancy when you can't get comfortable for an entire night's sleep. last night i had a towel folded up under my right hip so i wouldn't put pressure on the main blood vessel in my back. i also had a throw pillow under my normal pillow so i could read without feeling like i was suffocating.

i slept for several hours then awoke at 4:45 as i seem to do almost every morning. this time y was awake too and had his laptop in bed. what is actually the dimmest of light settings on the monitor feels like a lighthouse beacon when you're trying to win the insomnia war.

the alarm clock went off an hour later.

i think the thing that got my biscuit to the gym was the thought of the good water pressure in the shower. the shower at my loft is really weak and it takes a lot of time to rinse conditioner out of my hair. the gym shower is no joke, that water hits you and you're clean really fast. oh and the fact that my car was parked on the street and would have to be moved by 8am or i'd be the recipient of a $40+ ticket was also incentive.

once i'm at gold's i feel so good. this morning i jogged for a mile and a half on the treadmill next to my friend margie, who by the way is throwing me a baby shower with all the gym girls next month. i love that i've been going to a gym so regularly that i have formed friendships there.

the jogging made me feel like myself again and not like the person who was struggling in bed with a huge belly. i feel like me when i exercise. don't get me wrong, i absolutely love being pregnant but my time at the gym is totally mine and not a time when i'm obsessively reading about my baby's progress in the womb or mentally listing everything i need to do to get his crib area ready.

in the locker room all the regulars i've known for a while said nice things to me about my growing belly and how it doesn't look like i've put on weight anywhere else. that kind of encouragement and love is so worth getting out of bed for.

yen felt the baby move

on tuesday night i felt little one kicking around and being so active i could see my belly jumping. for the first time i put y's hand on my belly and he felt all the activity that was going on. it was monumental in my pregnancy world.

i'm getting so used to all the movement, it's really a wonder being pregnant. i feel like it's going too fast now. my 6th month just began and once it's over, i'll be in the 3rd trimester. every day is take your baby to work day for me and i love that. i get to have my teeny bambino and my job. my last day of work for several months will be july 10th. after that i'll be waiting for labor and then soon after i will be a mom. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!! it's a little scary sometimes.

nesting has started

this weekend y and i cleaned out the living room closet where the baby is going to go. that sounds horrible. i'll post pictures but basically it goes like this: we live in a 1,000 sq ft loft. there is no extra room to be made for our little butter bun except in places like our living room closet. the doors came off this weekend and the shelf was torn out. the space where our closet was will become "baby cove" over the next few months.

i ordered flor and wallpaper samples on monday but so much needs to be done to that little space before we can kit it out with the crib and dresser/ changing table. when i ripped the shelf out a small patch of drywall came off. woops. apparently one end of the shelf was affixed to the wall with industrial glue. we also need to prime and paint a cement pillar that is right next to the designated crib area. we would keep it naked but the bits of cement are shedding all over the place and we'd end up giving our kid asthma or something just because we wanted to keep his living space loft-like and industrial.

the amount of junk that came out of the closet and our basement storage is astounding. right now a huge portion of it is piled up in the basement with a note attached to a box pleading patience from our neighbors and promising its removal by saturday. last night i went to the basement to throw out some recycling and noticed that not only are people taking things from the pile (yay!) but they are also adding to the pile (boo!) what to do? apparently the urge to add to a mass of junk is irresistible.

i felt the baby move!

this morning while reading my email i felt a quick bumping in my lower belly. it felt like soft, unpainful gas or very subtle inward farting. my sister said it would feel like butterfly wings fluttering so that's what i'd been waiting for. i sent y an i.m. right away to tell him and just the act of writing, "i felt something!" made me cry a little.

i'm a little freaked out about how much weigh i've gained

this morning before going to the gym i stepped on the scale. holy moly. how did i gain 2 lbs in less than a week? according to my research, after the first trimester, you're supposed to gain a mere pound per week until the baby is born. i'm in my 17th week and i've already gained 8lbs. shit. i have 23 weeks to go. so 23 plus 8 is 33 lbs. that's ok but...dang. i read that a weight gain of 25lbs to 35lbs is fine so i'm still ok...i just can't be putting on multiple lbs each week.

here's the truth: i've been eating horribly. and by horribly i mean mostly carbs, little protein and trace amounts of vegetables. yesterday for example i had a giant (but healthy) bowl of bran flakes, at lunch i had a turkey sandwich...but then after lunch i had a chocolate croissant, then fruit, then granola then cheezits...then pasta for dinner... the scale this morning gave me the wake-up i needed. this is not a time to starve myselff but it isn't a time to go absolutely crazy and forget all i know about nutrition.

a lot of people say, "but you're pregnant, you can eat whatever you want right now. the baby needs it." these people are enablers or they just want to see you get really fat and have trouble taking it off after the bambino arrives. no, actually i believe it is coming from a good place, they just don't know that i actually thrive on that kind of reasoning when i'm making excuses for my bad eating.

i just read that pregnant women need to increase their daily intake by 300 calories. i think i've been increasing my daily intake with the wrong kinds of foods. this week i'm really going to focus on eating more vegetables and protein. i think i'll get my sara foster cookbook out...

it's a boy!

last friday at my awesome new dr.'s appointment y and i got to see our little peanut. dr. dwight asked, "do you guys want to know what it is?" and we both, or maybe it was just me, practically yelled, "yes! we HAVE to know!" after rolling the jellied apparatus around on my belly for a few seconds he clicked something on the keyboard to freeze the frame and showed us that IT'S A BOY!!!!!

i teared up a little because it makes it all so real now. i'm so happy! our little guy is apparently very active in the womb. he was rolling all around, doing somersaults and moving his little arms. i keep waiting to feel the "flutters" in my belly but so far i'm just feeling stretching and minor discomfort.

as soon as i found out i was pregnant a few months ago i tried picturing my baby. the image that always comes to me is a tiny little boy in a black onesie. dont' get me wrong, i adore baby girls but i could never picture my having one. i don't know why. that first week of knowing i was pregnant was so electrically charged, i was so weirded out and excited. it calmed me to know that i would have a little boy at the end of it. i told y that it was a boy and he said, "it's 50/50." of course that's true but i just KNEW.

it's a comfort to be right about this, i don't have to switch gears in my mind about the child i'm carrying. i knew who was in there from the first minutes.

*ultrasound pictures to come

my awesome new doctor

last friday, y and i met my third and final ob gyn, dr. mark dwight. his waiting room at good samaritan is very cozy. an amazing change from the last two waiting rooms we've sat in. there were a few people in there waiting with us that looked to be about our age/downtown demographic and it made us feel we were finally in the right place.

i first saw dr. dwight in the waiting room holding someone's infant, proclaiming what a feminine beauty she was. i couldn't believe this would be my dr.! he seemed so friendly and into his job. what a dream come true.

i'm so glad that i decided to have a natural delivery, if i hadn't i wouldn't have bothered changing dr.s and would have never landed at such a good hospital. dr. dwight said i can labor in the tub at the hospital and can walk around as much as i want. he also put my fears to rest about coming to the hospital too early in labor. i've always thought that if you go in early and are there for hours eventually some nurse or other will get fed up and start you on drugs to speed up labor but he said that would not be the case.

the appointment ended with a wonderfully telling ultrasound. that deserves it's own post. i'm so glad we got to see our little peanut.

some thoughts on red velvet cupcakes

*this is not the cupcake that damani talks about

several weeks ago i sent a text to my bff in ny, damani. for some reason i was directing my scary pregnancy hormones at the poor defenseless red velvet cupcake. i happen to really despise red velvet cake and i was wondering how he felt about it. here is the text i sent him on january 8th:

"i feel like i could create a whole blog about how i feel like the only person on earth who doesn't like red velvet cupcakes. reasons: 1. disgusting amount of red food coloring and yes you can taste it. 2. so over done! they're such a scenestery, trendy food.  so last year. "

wow. bitchy right? i still stand by the too much food coloring gripe. i was just reading a recipe and it calls for two bottles of red no 40. gross!!!! i HATE the taste of red food coloring. aren't you guys repulsed by it? i don't get it. how can i be the only one tasting the weird chemical ear-wax of red dye?!

ok, breathe....i'm done with the rant.  after 20 days, damani replied to my text in an email.  please welcome guest blogger, damani moyd:

Dear Tess,

So, I finally have some input on the whole red velvet issue you texted me bout several weeks ago.  I wasn't sure of  my feelings about this supposedly delicious treat.  Alls I know is that everybody and their Oprah goes on and on and on about it, and I personally never really got it either.  Every red velvet cake i ever ate tasted like easter-egg water.

Before today...

Today I was sent on an errand to pick up an order from Pinini,  a local bakery known for it's SUPERB cupcakes.  I am warmly greeted and after exchanging small pleasantries, I start checking the order.  Chocolate chip, check.  Pistachio, yep.  Banana nut, an order of five.  AND...and, in a box all of their own: red velvet. 

 I think nothing of them.  Not even on the radar.  So I was surprised when Lorraine (baker of said cupcakes) asked me in a coquettishly leading voice, "Have you ever had our red velvet cupcakes?"  "We're known for them."    Have I HAD them?  Like were they sluts known to sailors on leave, legendary for their ability to turn the most loyal of men against their girlfriends and wives, she asked me if I'd HAD them.  "Actually, I'm not a big fan of red velvet."  The look on her face was a combination of hurt and anger, which slowly morphed into an eroticized resolve.  

"Our red velvet cupcakes are the best in New York City.  I would say the best in the world but there IS no world outside New York City."  I was horrified  by her arrogance.  Yet as the aroma of sweet salvation lay at my feet, buckling my knees, I KNEW.

I awakened from my food coma, lying in an alley feeling debased and de-bunked.  Having just eaten a cupcake that can only be described as indescribable, I wondered what this Lorraine woman had endured in her life to be so wise, so RIGHT.  Her arrogance- it's clear to me now- was earned the hard way. 

I don't know if I'm converted.  I don't know if what happened today can be considered a spiritual experience.  What I do know is that someday, when I'm older and the dust on my post-adolescent idealism has settled, I'll be able to tell my children and my children's children that once upon a time on a snowy winter's day in a town called New York City...for one brief moment, I too rode on the red velvet bandwagon.

Hope you're having a good day today

Love, 

Damani

i had fun last night

yesterday at around 4pm, molly reminded me that we had that doheny thing to go to. i was tired and had been imagining myself on the couch in my jayjays reading Watchmen. not wanting to be a big flake, i resigned myself to going. the night was super fun! that's usually how it turns out, i force myself out the door and end up having a great time.

the doheny is this bar downtown where you have to pay membership dues to get in. i've heard different prices; from $2,000/ year to $5,000/ year. i'm too lazy to look up the actual info. go to the angelenic blog for the real deal, i'm sure it's there.

for some reason doheny was open to people without membership last night. all you had to do was rsvp to the dig lounge blog. kogi truck was there, or as i refer to it, "krispy kreme of 2009." there was a huge line for food at the truck and i'll admit i had to play the bun-in-the-oven card to push ahead of my dear friends in line. mochi was so sweet, he went to the garnish table and brought me back orange wedges while i waited.

doheny was classy on the inside. i was expecting flocked damask wallpaper like the golden gopher and broadway bar so it was a nice surprise to see smooth curved wood on the wall and an unfinished loft-like ceiling. the entrance felt so special and nothing at all like other bars. for one thing doheny doesn't employ some weird guido at the door to inspect your license. once you step inside you are in a hall of mirror and glass cases of expensive hooch. it feels quiet and important. once inside the main area it's noisy just like any bar. i quite enjoyed the giant ice cube in my ginger ale even though we all agreed it enabled the bartender to cheap out on your liquor quantity.

15 weeks, 3 days

yay! my belly is finally telling the world, "i'm pregnant!" 

friday y and i are going to meet the new doctor.  i've changed dr.s three times now.  the first dr. must have said, "why are you here?" like three times in my last visit.  i was almost 10 weeks and was there on a scheduled appointment.  he thought i was too early in my pregnancy to be of any importance.  i guess i wasn't supposed to set foot in his office until i was crowning.  what an ass. 

 i never met the second dr., just the nurse practitioner.  she was so amazing.  she invited y and i to sit in her office and ask a bunch of questions.  i felt so at ease with  her.  the problem with this situation was the hospital.  the dr. only delivers at huntington memorial in pasadena.  it's a super swanky regional hospital and when i first found out i was pregnant i HAD to have my baby there.  i had read some internet rumor that they serve champagne after the delivery.

between dr.s one and two y and i saw the documentary, The Business of Being Born.  up until i'd seen it i'd always imagined an epidural, a screaming red-faced me and hopefully a swanky hospital to have the worst day of my life in.  

the documentary completely changed my ideas about labor and really empowered me to make the decision to have a natural childbirth without dr. interventions.  unfortunately huntington memorial, a hospital with tons of technology is known on some of the childbirth boards to have a reputation of lots of c-sections and other interventions i wanted none of.

in the end my friend laura told me about dr. dwight at good samaritan in downtown los angeles.  i'm such a hypocritical downtowner;  i hadn't even checked into good sam because i thought if it was in downtown it must be ghetto.  anyhow, dr. dwight and good samaritan have an excellent reputation for natural childbirth.  i'm hoping that i get an ultrasound on friday, i'd love to see my little peanut.