how did this happen?

i haven't written in a while because the weight loss came to a complete stall.  i should've been writing because it's exactly what should be shared.  i was dieting like crazy and working out every other day so you'd think there'd be some progress in my favor but i actually gained a pound.  whatever, it's just one pound.  but it's not.  it's like all my efforts weren't effecting my body at all.  i don't understand it.

the special k thing is over, i think 3 weeks of it were more than plenty.  and one week with no weight loss totally killed it for me.  i was toying with the idea of starting the south beach diet but no, i just can't get excited about a life, ok a two week stint, without carbs of any kind.  and i wanted the gimmicky food thing to be over at the end of special k.  i did a search for "how many calories do i need in a day?" after filling in age, height, weight i found out that in order to lose weight i need to restrict my intake approximately 1240 calories per day without exercise or 1886 calories with 30 minutes of exercise per day.  

for around 20 minutes i thought i'd be able to track my intake and do this weight loss the old fashioned way.  it turns out it would be an almighty pain in the ass to keep track of all the calories.  i tried it and it wasn't for me.  at the moment any way.  

i couldn't believe i was doing it but after grocery shopping i found my old weight watchers point slide and a sharpie and started marking the food in my pantry and fridge with their point values.  it's so freakin' easy. the new weight watchers is a serious pain in the ass so i'm not even going to go near it.  the way points are calculated is beyond my understanding.  the old way is incredibly easy, i did it for years and i can remember so much of it.  a banana is 2 points, an apple is 1, veg is 0, and on and on.  basically every 50 calories is 1 point and then you factor fiber and fat in and see what you get.  i don't know why but it's so natural for me to deal with food in this way.  i probably wasn't getting enough calories this past week and my poor body decided to hold onto everything.  pray for me that eating more will actually work in my favor.  i'm going to ride it out and see how far i get.

9.5 more pounds to go.  i'm so close.  putting the scale in storage; i still haven't done that, i plan on weighing in on saturday.  

ciclavia

we did it.  the whole route of ciclavia.  actually, we first rode to barker block to meet some friends, then we made our way up the 4th street bridge to the start of the route.  once at the boyle heights park we had some tallarin from the lomo truck.  mind you i'd just eaten breakfast and wasn't even hungry.  i just ordered food because i was there and the food truck was there and everyone else in my party was eating.

the whole point of ciclavia is to see your city in a new way or in a slower way.  instead of zipping by in traffic, we were able to stop on the 4th street bridge over the LA river and take pictures.  i didn't even know there was a big park at the end of 4th street in boyle heights, much less a lake at the park.  pre had fun at the playground, getting brave with the slide but still avoiding the swing.  whenever i pick him up and move to lower him into a swing he curls his legs up like a cat near bath water and says, "no.  no."  my friend suzan who was there with her family said, "there's no law that says you have to like the swings pre."  i love her for saying that.

after carbing it up with peruvian spaghetti we mounted our bikes and struggled up the hill again.  well, i struggled, in fact there were a few times on some of the steep hills when i just couldn't pedal one foot further and i walked the bike to the top of the hill.  once in little tokyo, we decided to stop at far bar to have a beer.  jv and i ordered "black ale" which turned out to be coke and wine.  seriously, it was mj juice.  once we were lose with alcohol we rolled up to the hollywood finish with enough steam to make it all the way back to barker block.

i love cycling with my family.  i'm so thankful to have a shared hobby with my dudes.  viva ciclavia.

i lost 6 pounds!

that's right, 6 pounds gone in 2 weeks.  thank you special k challenge.  i'm still on it because at the end i still had 5 protein drinks left and that stuff costs money so i thought i'd stay on the plan until they're gone.  tonight however, i strayed far from special k and all it's monotony.

i just got back from a girl party in silverlake.  it's an annual girl's potluck that i've been going to 3 years running.  i brought a salad of cucumber, green apple and avocado.  i ate: a chicken-filled pastry from portos, crap dip, carrot salad, kale and corn salad, shrimp with pineapple, brie, mousse, a cupcake, and 2 glasses of pinot noir.  now i'm no longer a hungry caterpillar.   it was so much fun and i didn't want to leave  but i had to come home to calm crying baby.  when i was on my way out the party had hit it's crescendo of fun and i was sad to go.  that's the best time to leave i guess, when the night hasn't worn itself out.

it's been a couple of days since i've posted so i want to take a few seconds to acknowledge my friend jyvonne and her new-found culinary prowess.  she's a genius in the kitchen.  i had lunch at her house on thursday and she made an exquisite golden door type salmon walnut salad.  then as the meal was closing she decided to fry up some Gruyere beignets.  amazeballs.  she texted me the next day to say she made them again with an accompaniment of tomato jams.

i'm so proud of the unemployed people in my life who are not giving up on themselves.  i know i just shifted gears rather suddenly there but in my mind it was a smooth transition because i was thinking of jyvonne.  she now has 2 cello students and is reporting for lesbian festivals.  my sister is writing bisexual erotic fiction online and i am crafting to make a few bucks.  we're all without "real" jobs and we're all turning to something artistic and of ourselves to fill our days.  there's no way we would be doing these things in a better economy.

today i cycled pre and i to the library.  tomorrow is ciclavia and i'm so excited, in fact, i'm not having anymore wine tonight because i don't want to be groggy tomorrow.  yay ciclavia!!!

home stretch

i'm having a really good moment right now.  my peeps are being featured in etsy treasuries and i'm getting a lot of views.  i'm happy that the quilts are finished and finally up on the shop.  doing what i like is really excellent.  money would be great too.

i'm having some mild anxiety about finishing this special k diet.  i really don't want to gain this all back just like *that* you know?  i've been looking into the south beach diet and i think that's going to be my next eating adventure.  but could i call it the downtown l.a. diet?  south beach is so cheezy in my mind.  i'm not a cougar yet.  only cougars do the south beach diet, right?  ok, so i'll be on the dtla diet starting this friday.  what i find appealing about the dtla diet is that it morphs from a strictish sort of low carb situation into a normal food, low portions idyllic nirvana.  the ultimate goal here is to lose weight and find a realistic way to eat and enjoy food for the rest of my life.

bored of monochromatic eating

i'm bored of protein bars, protein shakes and special k cereal.  on thursday we're going out and i'll eat my first proper dinner in 2 weeks.

today i posted new stuff to etsy and then i felted furiously as i got an order for more peeps than i had ready.  tomorrow i'll package and ship.  maybe even post a picture before i send them on their way.

husband and son are truly bicycle obsessed.  baby wakes up in the morning saying, "bice-cul bice cul."  and every time i look over at husband he's looking at bicycles on the internet.  i'm going to take pre to the library on my bike on saturday then sunday is ciclavia!  hurrah!

hungry

i can't even think of what to say.  i've been hungry all day and i've snacked more to try to keep up with the acid churn in my gut.  there's nothing on tv.  husband and i have started around 3 films in the past few weeks.  we turn them off when one of us falls asleep and say we'll finish it the next day but it rarely happens.  i tried watching a dvd today while sewing but i hit the wrong button on the remote and it took me to the netflix log in page.  i tried hitting the back button and menu and exit but once you're in the netflix log in page you might as well turn the tv off because you'll never escape.

wonderful weekend

here's a confession: every day since i started the special k challenge i've gotten on the scale to gauge my progress.  i know you're not supposed to do that because it's obsessive and it has the possibility of throwing you off course if you get a bad read one day.  today i the scale said i gained 1.5 since yesterday.  that's it for me, i'm putting the scale in our storage in the basement until friday.  i haven't done anything to gain weight so i'm not worried that it'll stick, but it's disheartening as hell.

at the moment my immediate family including myself is bicycle obsessed.  i got my bike as a birthday present last month and i'm completely smitten with it's glossy black paint, brown leather hand grips and the cool danish baby seat in the back.  today we went to a bicycle shop in downtown long beach to see what they had to offer in a geared bike for husband.  bike shops are the new hip urban shoe boutiques.  clean white interiors with a small handpicked arrangement of bikes.  i've noticed that the less bikes a store has on site, the more important each bike in the shop seems.  it gives the store and the proprietor more credibility when there are a just a few different models.  it makes me feel like these bikes are like no other and that i'm in the hands of experts.

after a few rides around the block on a couple of different models, i proposed lunch.  i'd been hungry since around 20 minutes after breakfast and here it was like 4 hours later.  we went to bubba gump's because 1. it's a kid-friendly establishment and 2. we could have a beer.  i ordered something called, "shrimpin' dippin' broth."  i think that's what it was called.  i had no idea what to expect as there was no picture in the menu.  what was set in front of me was a korean style metal pot in which perfectly seasoned spicy shrimp sat in a dark orange broth.  on a separate plate there were two scoops of white rice and a small personal- size french bread.  the waiter suggested i put the rice in the soup and then dip the bread as i eat.  i love dipping soft french bread in anything and this broth was astoundingly flavorful.  this was the most decadent eating i've done in over a week.  in a addition to the shrimpin' dippin' i had a 16 oz hefeweizen and half an order of chips and artichoke spinach dip.  i love lunch.  i should make a lunch bag that says that.

saturday

this morning after an hour of baby chirping, "bice-cul bice-cul" we took the bikes to the la river and took a five mile ride.  it was the first time i've gotten a real look at the la river.  it's pretty.  too bad there's so much litter in the way of plastic bags hanging on tree branches.  hopefully one day all stores will require you to use a reusable bag.

after our ride we went to lemonade for some takeaway lunch.  i had four different salads: watermelon radish, israeli couscous with mushrooms, red cabbage almond and brussels sprouts as well as a few nice strips of seared ahi.  the pastry case was beyond alluring.  i locked eyes with a tiny chocolate cupcake with the cutest dollop of mocha cream as its crown.  i just shook my head and said, "not today cheri." well not really, i just paid for my stuff in a hurry and scampered out of there, away from temptation.

husband and i are going to try to watch all the bond films.  tonight we're watching "Thunderball." it gets boring and action-y sometimes but then it goes back to connery rubbing some random lady with a mink mitten.  so that's good.

first day of week 2

last night i did a bit of research and it looks like the soapy taste in my mouth was due to the sodium fluoride in my toothpaste.  i'll paraphrase my findings; if you have a soapy taste in your mouth and no other symptoms then that's good, the other horrifying effects of fluoride poisoning haven't taken over yet.  in short, if you have a soapy taste in your mouth, stop using fluoride toothpaste or doing whitening treatments that contain fluoride because you may be on the cusp of poisoning yourself.  i guess i should mention the symptoms of fluoride toxicity.  here they are: abdominal pain, nausea, diarrhea, weakness, hypersalivation, muscles spasm, cardiac arrest and death.  i just came back from the store with some tom's of main fluoride free toothpaste.

this morning i got on the dreaded scale and i've lost 4.5 lbs since last friday!!!!! the jeans are fitting way better but i'm a little skeptical about actually needing to go down a size by next friday.  yay me!  yay special k diet!!!

it was an easy day.  after taking baby to school i went to the gym, did a bit of sweating on the elliptical machine while giving the tv a bit of attention.  i've never seen wall street, the charlie sheen movie and it was on bravo so i watched a little of that.  the guy working out to my left was watching standup on comedy central.  he had it on closed caption so i was able to catch a bit of that show too.  the comedian was saying, "why don't girls ever have crazy boyfriend stories? and then i thought about it and was like, ohhh, because if you have a crazy boyfriend that means you're dead."  it's funny 'cause it's true.

lunch today was california rolls.  i love lunch.  oh my goodness.  right now husband is eating mac and chee with bacon mixed in and the smell is killing me softly.  going to go far away from him.

day 7

here's how strong my resolve is: today at euro pane in pasadena, i passed up a chocolate muffin with a raspberry compote core, an array of some of the best macarons available in los angeles,  a pear tart and two cookies as big as my face.  it wasn't all deprivation and diet-y sadness though.  my lunch was a pretty large baguette sandwich of fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil and pesto.  it was a decent sandwich but i'm not going to lie, it was no "my vegan trip through india." still, i didn't feel i was depriving myself, and i really did enjoy the sandwich.

 the pastries mentioned above were not just things i looked at longingly in the case, no, these were in fact purchased by two of my dining partners and placed on the communal table to grab without judgement.
the old me would've gone for half the chocolate muffin, a macaron, one whole cookie and a few nibbles of pear tart.  i would've sampled everything and after i would've told myself that it was a special day and that this doesn't happen all the time yadda yadda yadda.  so many justifications and food lies would have been playing themselves out in my head.  the pleasure would soon be forgotten but the mental flogging would've endured.  i feel so free of all that food neurosis.  it's enormously pleasant to be happy with my self control at the end of the day.

tomorrow is my first day of week 2.  i'm so proud of myself for not just sticking to a plan but for my attitude.  i feel like maybe i have to go through this time of limiting my choices in order to gain perspective on what i eat and how much i actually need versus how much i feel i need.

i'm getting on the scale tomorrow and i'll also try on a pair of pants that were snug on me on day one.  i wonder if i should begin graphing my losses over the next few weeks.

what is that soapy taste in my mouth?

since around lunchtime i've had a curious soapy taste in my mouth.  perhaps i somehow ingested soap...but that doesn't seem probable.  lunch was a tofurkey sandwich on wheat, not at all a soapy sort of meal.  i don't get it.  could it be some sort of side effect from the protein bars and shakes?  am i suffering from vitamin overload?  if anyone else has ever had this strange bitter, soapy thing going on in their mouth, please tell me.

besides the soap, day six is closing without incident.  in the morning after dropping baby off at school, i went for a walk with jeanie and yoko around elysian park.  not any sort of hard core cardio but exercise all the same.  i used the new "walking foot" on my sewing machine while stitching quilt layers together.  it's sole purpose is to keep layers from bunching up and it does so wonderfully.  quilts will go up on my etsy shop on monday.

now it's time to watch top chef allstars.  if it makes me too hungry i'm going to bed.

cinco de k-o

here it is the fifth day of my silly cereal diet and i'm really enjoying it.  i will add that no cereal was consumed today.  breakfast was the protein shake, dinner was a truly delightful, if not small, almond honey protein bar.  lunch was spectacular.  i pushed pre in his stroller up the hill on grand and 3rd with the intent of going to lemonade for a nice variety of creative salads.  let me warn you, if it's a tuesday or a wednesday and you want lemonade, you'll have to go to abbot kinney because the one at moca will be closed.  "curses!" i exclaimed with a raised, clenched fist, then i headed toward mendocino farms.

at mf, i was prepared to order the one thing i've tried and quite liked, the citrus tuna sandwich.  i decided at the last minute to try something from the part of the menu labeled, "spring 2011."  i ordered a vegan sandwich called, "my vegan trip through india."  you get a choice of ciabatta i think or honey wheat tortilla.  i chose the tortilla.  wow, it was as many top chef judge would say, "a revelation."  so delicious.  the wrap isn't offered up the way many wraps are; cold and tightly swaddled in paper, no this gorgeous sandwich is carefully rolled in a less suffocating way and then set on the grill to get a little texture.  it felt like comfort food although i can't say i've ever tasted anything like it.  as far as the components on the inside, there was a chickpea spinach fluff? smear?  spread?  i don't know, but i tasted goat cheese i think and some other really fabulous things.  i enjoyed it so much it made me wonder if i'm suddenly appreciating food more because i'm eating less of it.

so far, i'm finding this a pleasant way to eat.  lunch, i've come to realize is a more important meal to me than breakfast or dinner.  i think bookending that important meal with two nutrient dense small ones is the way to go.  maybe instead of switching back and forth from this to weight watchers, i could instead slowly morph the plan into something more reasonable with something other than a protein shake and protein bar for breakfast and dinner.  something different but still on the small, nutritious side.

i'm going to get on the scale this friday to see the quantitative results to this new eating style.  already my mental state is so much better than it was a week ago.  i feel in control and on the right path.

4th day of K

what i think is funny about my starting a crash diet is that i just read a book with a strong message regarding the uselessness of crash diets.  why do i get the wrong message from cautionary tales?  it's like when i watched Super Size Me and it made me really hungry for McDonalds.  most people were probably totally disgusted and turned off by the thought of all that processed deliciousness after being beaten over the head with the nutritional facts.  i was grossed out to a point but c'mon; the pillow puff bun, the meltedy american cheeze, the crispy fish in the fish filet, yum!

my current favorite book, Born Round by Frank Bruni, has made me decide not be fat anymore.  what an amazing piece of nonfiction.  yes, he did a lot of ridiculous diets along the lines of the special k diet, and yes he gained it all back over and over but hear me out: it's going to be different for me.  Bruni finds ultimate success in a brilliant combination of exercise, small portions and variety.  i know!  it's so rational it's almost crazy.  i get it that you have to do something incredibly close to that to achieve a good relationship with food and self-image.  but here's the thing.  it's going to take all freakin' year for me to lose 15 pounds with that utopian approach to food and exercise.  time is of the essence.  my kid is almost 2 years old and i still have baby weight.  i really need to lose this extra mass before his birthday.  my plan is to let the special k diet do the heavy lifting and then i'll coast into victory with the more responsible weight watchers diet.  once i'm at my weight goal i'll go on "maintenance" with weight watchers, which is like Bruni's thing only with points.

the k went well today.  another milk chocolate protein shake for breakfast, then california rolls for lunch.  dinner was the cereal and an orange.  snacking happened between breakfast and lunch but it was a lovely little apple.  am i hungry?  right now yes, but i've been fine during the day, i think this would be hell if my one meal was dinner like the plan suggests.

special k diet

i think it was just this friday, i was talking to my sister on the phone, bemoaning the .5lb i gained during a week of rational eating.  i told her i was just too lazy to freak out about it.  she understood but said, "why don't you try the special k diet.?"

i looked it up, supposedly you can drop a dress size in two weeks.  and it's so freakin' easy.  all you do is replace two meals with either special k cereal, a protein bar or protein shake.

i don't even remember what i'd eaten for breakfast that friday but instead of waiting for the next day, i started the special k diet, or "k" as it shall now be referred to going forward, that day.

today is day three and it's going surprisingly well.  this morning i had a milk chocolate protein shake for breakfast. this went in the blender with half a banana and some ice just to give it some weight.  an hour or so later i had a big cup of coffee.  lunch was tofu scramble, fruit, vegan pancakes and some sort of vegan cracker thing.  dinner was a bowl of cereal.

in addition to the saint-like eating, i've been riding my bike and on friday i went to the gym and spent 30 minutes almost dying on an elliptical machine.  i owe my body so much cardio.  the flab is just ludicrous.